Friday, January 11, 2013

Threesome

I've always dreamed about having a threesome, picking up some yummy someone to share the evening with, to share Krishna with, to explore and generally to revel in the joy. That was a fantasy...

...little did I know how my fantasy would come true.

But that dream turned out to be very different from a hot, steamy encounter.

In fact, we did go out one night and come back a couple days later with a new little lady. We brought her home and spent many evenings with her. We explored and had tons of joy.

We had a daughter. How things change!

She's almost three years old and life is so different. Mostly for the better. Actually much, much better.

Our relationship has...hmmmm? Evolved? I don't know. Our intimate moments are further apart, but sweeter and more intense, and now mostly confined to the bedroom. All the implements are put away but probably needing better hiding places. Now He turns to more everyday things like belts, hands, and clothespins.

It is interesting how our relationship priorities have distinguished us from our parental peers (not at all implying that we share with others this thing we do!). Our little love sleeps in her own bed and has done so since she was four months old. I share a bed with my husband. Besides, this sort of threesome in our bed leads to a lot of kicking and pushing - ever tried sleeping with a toddler?

So let me say this because I need to have this disclaimer: Parenting is a very personal, individualized thing to do. Not unlike all intimate relationships. If you read something here that pricks you the wrong way, know that I only wish to express myself in a safe space and have absolutely no intention of judging other people's ways of living and growing. Except that I do at times because I live within a community and most times, self is defined by other.

I have been very vocal about prioritizing our relationship and maybe I should not have been this way. Parenting these days seems to put the priority on the child. Loose bedtimes and shared family beds are all the rage in my neighborhood. I feel like the odd one out. But I also feel great knowing I have an even stronger relationship with Krishna.

Date nights are all the rage, too. Except date nights here mean mostly hanging out with another couple to share stories of toddler chaos over a meal. And while we have done a few of these, I can count on the fact that nearly every weekend night feels like date night, staying home and spending time with each other, whether that means being fondled in front of the fireplace or being spanked on top of the flannel sheets.

I guess my point is that we have things to do together, alone, and in the house (enabled by sleeping child). And, I believe, we as a family are better off for it.

A family of three. A threesome by definition. Threesomes rock!

7 comments:

  1. Radha, it is good to see you back.

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    1. Thanks Alais! It's good to be back.

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  2. Radha --
    My youngest, my daughter, will be 35 tomorrow. I parented in a different time and a different place. But parents of young ones have the same concerns and worries. I remember wondering what was the best thing for mine. I remember hoping that the path I'd chosen was "right." I remember bucking the prevailing trends some of the time, and feeling very lonely in the doing of that. Unlike you, I did not have a strong partner in my parenting. The father of my children was more like a child than an adult. Bad choosing on my part...

    So, I am long removed from the life you are living, but I wanted to assure you that, from my distant perspective, you have it right. Your child will be fine as long as you are OK. She will grow up loved and guided in a family where the priorities are in the proper order. Putting your relationship with Krishna in the premier spot in your life means that the child will have happy, healthy, wise, strong adults guarding the gates to her world. I cannot think of a better gift to give her.

    swan

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    1. Dear, Swan, I thank you for your words. When I chose to come back here to write I did so to get space for me to express those things I can't on my more public blog. Never did I imagine such affirmation as I've gotten here from you today. I thank you for that. It encourages me to share more here as I just realized that this is probably a community with grown kids and yours is exactly the sort of wisdom I need to hear.

      I think that my time with Krishna is a time to recharge, which I think so many are lacking as they make they way through living with a toddler. But then everyone always does what they think is right, like you said. I feel grateful that we were married for 16 years before kids. Our relationship feels more like a retreat than a priority, a retreat back to our pre-kiddo life.

      Thanks again.
      Radha

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  3. Swan has put it so well that I have little to add accept my agreement. I have always said you are a good an instinctive mother, and a strong parental relationship is an enormous gift. So good to see you back here beautiful one, though I'd feel freer to comment on your other blog too these days given my own writing is taking a slightly different turn.

    love and hugs xxx

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    1. So very nice to see you here, E! It's funny how blogging here feels like coming home and visiting with old friends. I recently had a small falling out with some local parents when we all realized that my parenting style are so very different from theirs. So, I question some of my decisions but I do think it is good to go through this self-searching process. Much love right back to you, dear friend!
      Radha

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  4. Wondering what I can add of value to what Swan and Elle have already said, and I've finally decided that perhaps just quantity of affirmation is enough. You're fine. You're more than on the right track. And I really would be leery of anything that is "all the rage". Parenting fads especially. My son is 22 soon, and seems to have thrived in an upbringing of consistency, firm boundaries, a world he could trust and believe in. If I said it, I meant it, and I didn't stop mid-stream and do something different. Bed time is bed time, and it was always in his own, safe space. I cannot imagine allowing the vagaries of others to sway you, they cannot possibly know you, your husband, or your daughter as well as you do. This would be the place I would smile and nod, and if comment was necessary, merely say, "Oh how lovely for you." And then move on to the next topic.

    :)
    Just my 2 cents!
    Peace
    Tapestry

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