A Night Out

The Lord Krishna and I went out last night and met up with a couple we see on occasion. The man in this couple is a photographer, so we had all decided to go on a nighttime photo shoot after dinner. This is an image I shot of the street right outside of the restaurant. I love the old, cobblestone that line the street that runs along the Mississippi River. It was the perfect night with clouds rolling in at sunset keeping the warm daytime temps close to the ground.

It had been so long since we went out, but it was rather strange to be at a bar and not drinking some wine or a large, frosty mug of beer. Nonetheless I had a fabulous lemonade! This was the same restaurant where we celebrated the coming of the Millennium on December of 1999. So much has changed since then and I am reeling with the idea that this decade is almost over.

Just a year ago, I never could have predicted these changes in my life. I'm having a baby. I'm on the board of directors at my local food co-op. I have a renewed relationship with my mother. And most importantly, I'm looking forward to the new phase in my relationship with the Lord Krishna. Last night I felt pride radiating from him. Pride in the idea that he was going to be a father and pride in me for providing this joy for him. I felt special and so my memories of the night glow and shine.

Me and My Dirty Mind Reading Another Book

After all the complaining I did about not being able to read, I go and have a very productive reading weekend. And some spanking. And some good old vanilla sex. The Lord Krishna and I joined a health club (following the advise of my doctor) and perhaps, that's the source of all this new found energy.

Anyway, so now I'm reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and I utterly engrossed in this book and totally fascinated with all the information. On top of all that excitement, it seems that her growing season is similar to where my CSA is located so I'm getting to read her own enjoyment in growing many of the same vegetables. I'm glad I bought this book as I do intend to read it again next year during the local CSA season. There are great suggestions for cooking up the vegetables along with wonderful meditations about how to develop a sense of eating whatever is in season.

I've gotten ahead of myself - is that the right phrase? - who knows, I'm just so excited about all the above mentioned things that I'm just zipping through this, not thinking about structure or flow. ANYWAY, this book is a memoir about her family moving to a small farm in Virginia (I think. Somewhere in the Appalachians, that I know for sure) and more specifically, a year of growing, living and eating off the land.

My dirty mind went into overload when she started talking about promiscuity being the basis for mainstream America's relationship with food. Interesting how she states that we (well, some of us) encourage young people to wait a while before having sex, yet do not restrain ourselves from eating vegetables out of season, no matter how tasteless they may be, not thinking at all about the cost of transporting said vegetables from far-flung tropical locales (and thus maintaining our dependence on foreign oil supplies) - all this just to satisfy our craving for everything now. She says "We're raising our children on the definition of promiscuity if we feed them a casual, indiscriminate mingling of foods from every season plucked from the supermarket, ignoring how our sustenance is cheapened by wholesale desires" (31).

It seems to me that food and sensuality are intimately tied together. Wow! Look at all them puns in one sentence. Yes, I meant them all - the intimacy, the kinky ties, and all. This book is definitely full of fun puns and hot references. For example, her description of flowering plants gets quite sensual when she writes "since they can't engage in hot pursuit, they lure a third party, such as bees, into the sexual act..." (63).

Again, ANYWAY, now I turn my easily distractible mind to asparagus. It seems that growing a sustainable and successful crop of asparagus is somewhat like growing a good relationship. Asparagus takes years, at least three or four, until there is an edible harvest. And a "well-managed asparagus bed can keep producing for twenty to thirty years" (28). It is possible to abuse an asparagus bed and one can do this by prematurely whacking off any new shoots before the three years are up. To do so is to "make the plant sink into vegetable despair and die" (28). If one is patient then there is the reward of (and I love this phrase!) "an edible incarnation of the spring equinox" (29).



Did you know that asparagus were once considered an aphrodisiac? Or that the church banned it from nunneries? I think this has more to do with the shape of the asparagus stalk and the voluptuous nature of the plant rather than any bodily effects. This seems clear to me in this botanical drawing of asparagus.



And especially so in this image of steamed asparagus, all hot and slick with oil, ready to put in the mouth.



I'm having a great time these days thinking about food. I'm understanding the importance of my food co-op more and more as each day passes. Sadly, I had always thought of it as overpriced and overly concerned with gourmet tastes and appetites. I would only buy things there that I couldn't buy at the regular supermarket. But, now I'm making smarter decisions that help me fit it all into our limited budget, buying from the bulk bins, for example, or picking up three brown eggs and smaller portions of food stuffs. Also, buying in season is much cheaper, even at the regular supermarkets.

I'm finally getting into this whole pregnancy thing. And I am SO BLESSED to have a man such as the Lord Krishna who allows me stay at home so that I have the time to nurture our growing family.

If I can't be writing about kinky smut in the way that I want to on this blog, I can at least share what my dirty mind is reading these days. I hope you'll check this book out. It certainly was a wonderful surprise for me!

Mystic Friday: Troubled

Troubled?
Then stay with me, for I'm not.

Lonely?
A thousand
naked amorous ones dwell in ancient caves
Beneath my eyelids.

Riches?
Here's a pick,
My whole body is an emerald that begs,
"Take me."

Write all that worries you on a piece of parchment;
Offer it to God.
Even from the distance of a millennium

I can
lean the flame in my heart
Into your life

And turn
All that
frightens you
Into holy
Incense
Ash.

Hafiz;
trans. David Ladinsky, 1999

Today is a day for gratitude.

I am grateful to have the love the Lord Krishna offers me every single day. He banishes my fears and stokes my happiness. He creates excitement out of the unknown and fully embraces the arrival of a little one into our lives. What a perfect man! Everyday I see more and more to love about him and for that I am grateful.

I am grateful for the friendships I have received in these last few months. All of you lovely people online give me a such an immense sense of support and love. I feel rich with companionship even though faces remain unseen. Hearts are revealed and clear enough.

I am grateful for those few women who have come to my side in my vulnerable time. Two women in particular who have been in my life for over ten years, off and on, often more off than on. These two women, childless and yet, full of energy about the future, women who are looking forward to being aunties.

I am grateful for my community, so full of riches. A community that embraced my presence and elected me to the board of directors for my local food co-op. A community that has opened a new path in life, a place to apply my knowledge, a way to concretely work towards creating a better world for my little one.

I am grateful for my little one, who accompanies me to each board meeting, giving me strength, urging me on with little kicks to my insides.

This is the parchment at which I sat with every intention to write down my worries. Yet, today I find none.

Riches I find all around me, in my community, in my online friendships, in the healthy food I have available to me, in the air itself and the sky and the glorious, windy end to Autumn.

Lonely? No more as the little one is with me. No more as I see the Lord Krishna love shining in his eyes, in the way he holds me at night, in the way he puts his lips against my belly and softly calls the name we chose for the little one.

Troubled? No more. Today, and perhaps, just for today, but truly in this moment it is enough - today I feel that all is well with the world.



My heart burning as hot as a raging fire, burning all the troubles into holy incense, into ash. Troubled? No more, just healing, and healing in the way that only love can give.

Livin the Vida Vanilla

Life suddenly got hectic around here! My mother is planning a baby shower/blessing/puja for the middle of next month. The thing is she left the state a month ago, so I'm left running all over town getting the community center booked, the invitations made, the invite list together, etc, etc, etc. But, it's a good month for this in terms of my energy.

And talking about energy, I am horny...again. And Krishna is getting all pinchy, and a bit slappy. Somehow we've got to make the two come together. We have a "babymoon" planned and hopefully, there will be some, I mean, lots of spanking involved.

I never realized how easy it was to slip back into vanilla life. I guess I know now. We started spanking and kept going for a few years, each month getting progressively more intense. And now, we are straight up vanilla. I even started eating vanilla ice cream and before I got knocked up, I hardly ever ate ice cream.

I'm shy and I tell him, but I can't quite get past that point. He is wanting and it's pretty obvious, but he seems reluctant to get past that point. I think we are both a little wary of doing any little thing that could harm the little one. We've reverted to default relationship which I guess we're comfortable with as we'd done it for over ten years. Oh well, at least we've got that.

I'm thinking that getting away from the city, from our home will do us some good. We are heading up to the North Shore of Lake Superior for a few days and hopefully the gales of November will be blowing, causing us to stay indoors near the roaring fireplace with nothing to do but get our spank on. If not, we are going to do some hiking, some Jeep driving on the back, rustic roads.

I love where we live. Have I said that lately? I love it! Absolutely love it! Right now, November feels like September and we're just finishing a Fall season that started bleak and dismal, but is now full of sunlight and golden leaves. Soon, the snow will come and I'm looking forward to it.

We watched Julie and Julia last night and that made me happy that I read the book. Of course, there was a lot that was left out of the movie that was in Julia's autobiography. We're having a dinner party tonight, sort of. This couple we know are stopping over for dinner and I'm going to show her all my Indian outfits because she wants to dress all traditional for the baby shower.

See...vanilla life.

Although, I do have to bring LT back to our bedroom so I'll have to make sure all the ropes and spanking implements are put away. Add that to my growing list of things to do this day.

The menu:
faux fried chicken (soaked in buttermilk and garlic, then baked in the oven)
cajun-roasted sweet potatoes
honey-mustard glazed turnip and carrots
a squash braid (that I'm baking myself)
a pear and apple with some cheese (for dessert)

Oh my goodness, I am so wanting some wine with this meal. I've been good though, no wine, no cigarettes.

Did I tell you what the awful doctor said to me, the one that I left shortly there after? She said "I've seen women smoke crack and drink alcohol throughout their pregnancies and still have perfect babies." This is after I told I was cranky because I had quit smoking. I swear, what a nutjob! Doesn't sound very encouraging does it? Or rather, it almost sounds like she's encouraging me to keep smoking. Or worse yet, she had no faith in my ability to quit on the spot, cold turkey. But I did! Hah! I did it.

OK! This is has been totally random, hasn't it? I suppose that's what la vida vanilla is all about. Just random meandering throughout the days lacking kinky purpose or kinky respite.

Soon. I keep telling myself - soon. Soon we'll get our drink on, we'll get our spank on, we'll return to some sort of regularly scheduled programming.

Yes? Yes.

Julia Gone Wild

So, yet another fantastic Autumn day with rain, then some sun to make the golden maple leaves shine, and then rain, again, and a blustery wind to blow all the leaves around.

Since I got knocked up, I haven't been able to read a book through to the end. I don't know what's going on with that but it saddens me. But, that all changed today. I had a chance to finish the Julia Child book. Here's another little tidbit that sparked my curiosity:

"On our first day at 113 Boulevard de la Corderie, we sat on the sunny back balcony with our shirts off and ate lunch. It was such a nice feeling that we planned to do it every chance we got (179)."

What fun! I really enjoyed reading this autobiography, but have not yet picked up a cookbook written by Julia Child. I enjoyed reading about her life in France, her love for Paul and the time they spent together leisurely enjoying a good meals and all the wine (of course). It reminded me a tiny bit of when Krishna used to come home for lunch everyday. It was great breaking up the day with 1/2 hour to 45 minutes with him. Although it was usually cold sandwiches and we were in the Midwest, not France, I still enjoyed it and have many fond memories of our time spent together. I suppose, when you're in love, it doesn't matter where you are. Although, France certainly wouldn't be bad. Never been. Have you?

a use for complicated knots?

So, I'm reading Julia Child's "My Life in France," it's a snowy/rainy Friday afternoon, my cravings satiated with vanilla bean ice cream, and suddenly I wander onto this page which holds this sentence:

"He [Paul Child] was a physical person, a black belt in judo, a man who loved to tie complicated knots or carve a piece of wood" (35).

I wonder for how and what does a man find use in a complicated knot other than for kinky purposes? That's it. Nothing more so far about his interests in complicated knots except for this one reference. He is not a sailor or fisherman; he is a government worker, photographer and lover.

Hmmmm? Makes me wonder...

Train

Confession - LOL

I have serious confession to make.

I am lurker. I am a big-time lurker. So, I understand if you lurk here on this site and others.

Lurking allows me to be a voyeur. It allows me to enjoy from the outside without the responsibility of identifying myself or coming up with something witty and/or supportive to say to the writer.

In this case, I understand lurking as a selfish act. But, I'm here to say that that's OK. Things can happen in life that warrants the need to be selfish at times, just because. And, that's OK.

Lurk away. Lurk until your heart is content. Lurk in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening. Lurk in every season.

But, just for today, come right out and say something. Even it's in symbols and anonymously. Just for today.

Come on! Try a little de-lurking. Live a little! Love a little! De-lurk a little!

Because today is LOL Day - that is: LOVE OUR LURKERS DAY!

Sending you lots of love, always,
Radha


P.S. Thanks Bonnie for planning this and bringing us all together! You rock!


------------------------------------------------------------------

Before I go...

Autumn should be all about this:



And, this:



But NOT this!

I'm not ready for this!

No. No. No. I am not ready for this! Do you hear me? I'm not ready.



Not yet. Next week, maybe. The day after I clean my garden for the winter.
But, not now!



The leaves on the trees are still green. This just isn't right!



Poor fishy. Looks like he's trying to leap right out of the snow.

Love and the Slow Cooker

My mother did not have a slow cooker when I was growing up. I grew up with certain fantasies about "American" food. Bacon, stews, mac-n-cheese, sandwiches: these were not things that were prepared in my mother's kitchen. Along with fantasies about "American" food, I also had fantasies about "American" cooking. I imagined an easy domestic lifestyle full of microwaves and slow cookers. By the time I got a microwave and slow cooker, I had no idea what to do with them. I mostly use the timer on my microwave. I never understood how people could actually cook with a microwave.

But, the slow cooker was different. I never knew, until recently, that slow cookers have a bad reputation amongst certain crowds. A bad reputation that comes with an association with canned goods and cheap cuts of meat, bland overcooked tastes and lazy cooking habits. Those people are missing out on some good eating! I never knew because immediately after I got my slow cooker I purchased Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook which includes a number of recipes that start with fresh ingredients. The title of the cookbook cracks me up because, like I said, my mother never had a slow cooker. She has one now. I think it's still in the box sitting on the shelf in her basement pantry area.

Well, here it is. My slow cooker. [Please ignore the shiny wall that makes my new paint job look like crap. Blame it on the flash and the Mercury Retrograde.]



We met and fell in love somewhere back at the turn of the century. Things really got heated up when I was working full time. We rekindled the flame last summer when I realized that she came in handy for summer recipes. It took me a while but I caught on. Slow cookers are not only great for Fall and Winter meals, but also absolutely perfect for preparing meals on hot summer days.

Not all recipes work out great in a slow cooker no matter what the cookbooks try to tell you. There are some things that better left for cooking on the stove. But there are a surprising number of really good things that can cooked up the in the slow cooker. That negative association with cheap cuts of meat? Well, that's a bunch of snobbery, if you ask me. Although my mother did cook some meat when I was growing up, she didn't cook a lot of different cuts of meat. As a result, I'm a little timid about meat, but the slow cooker helps me get over my issues.

OK, so this post isn't about a cheap cut of meat, it's actually about sausages, but I'd thought I would throw that bit in here anyway. Seems appropriate, doesn't it? When talking about slow cookers there is a general sense that anything can be thrown in. Onward to the recipe!

Sausages with Beans and Peppers. Some people would turn tail and run the other direction with from a recipe like that. But, I'm not going to think about those people because I have a lot of CSA peppers, it's cold outside, and we need something warm and yummy for a Sunday evening.



I got some chicken sausages with apple. I try a different kind each time I do this recipe. Sometimes I'll use some leftover ones from our trips to the trailer.



Halfway through cooking the sausages I realized I was looking at the wrong recipe. The one I wanted had beans and tomatoes in it. The one I was preparing didn't. This seems to happen to a lot to me lately. I blame it on the pregnancy.



I cut up the sausages and sent the Lord Krishna to the store to get me one more can of beans. Usually I'll cook up a pot of beans ahead of time, but for obvious reasons, we had to go with canned beans. The reason: I messed up and wasn't looking at the right recipe. Yes, I got a few swats on my bottom for being such a ditz. Cooking, spanking - things are slowly starting to return to normal. Yeah!



I had to pull the chopped up peppers from the slow cooker because I'd already chopped them and put them in the slow cooker like the previous recipe said to do. I threw them into the same pan I cooked the sausages to let them soften on the stove. See these recipes don't call for just throwing things in the slow cooker. There is prep required.

Here is a shot of the final results. If it looks like I've eaten out of the bowl, it's because I did start eating before I remembered to take a picture. Whee! What a dizzy girl I've become while pregnant. Nonetheless, it was yummy and perfect with some french bread!



So, a recap of the recipe adapted from the above mentioned cookbook. I say adapted because I had to wing it halfway through.

Sausages with Beans and Peppers
Brown 1-2 pounds of sausages. Sliced up.
Chop 3-4 peppers, 3 cloves of garlic and 1 large onion. Saute in pan until softened.
Add peppers to slow cooker. Top with sausages, 2 cans of beans (any beans- today I used black beans and kidney beans), 1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 oz) and 1/4 cup red wine.
Cook in slow cooker 6-8 hours.
Serve with crusty french bread or maybe some rice. Or maybe, just maybe I'll make some maple hoe cakes to go with the leftovers. The Lord Krishna likes it when his ho makes some hoe cakes!

What happened?

What happened to kitten from Complicated Kitten? Can anyone tell me?

Kitten, can you respond? Missing you!

There are so many blogs that I used to read regularly that have suddenly been locked up by Blogger. What the heck is going on? There are others that have gone private and I don't know how to contact them. So much has changed in the last few months that I was away.

For those that have disappeared or have gone private...hope all is well for you and your loved ones!


ETA: OK, I think I found her again and changed the link. But, I still don't know what happened. I need to get my links updated!

Crazy, crazy days

Hey you'all! I have had the craziest time these last few weeks. I just realized that it may have occurred because of the mercury retrograde. I started a kitchen painting project, then the Lord Krishna scheduled to have our wood floors refinished. But before that could happen, I took a trip to the ER and found out I had the bad luck of getting vertigo. That, btw, accounts for my strangely, dizzy ride at the State Fair. Wood floor project got delayed and re-scheduled and on the morning they were to begin, my laptop crashed. It had a fatal system error message and heated up so hot I couldn't touch it! And, yes, my horoscope did say I would have major mechanical failure that week. See! I said it was a crazy couple of weeks.

It's good to be on this side of the craziness. There's another project just around the corner- getting the roof replaced. It's going to be covered by our home owner's insurance. Whoo Hoo! But it's going to be loud. I begged the Lord Krishna to schedule this after the mercury retrograde is finished. And he agreed that it would be nice to do a project without major delays and hurdles.

So, until then, I'm chillin and taking a lot of advise from the kitties about the best places to lounge.

Knitting Toys

From kinky knits to baby knits, oh my, how my life has changed...





Oh well. The good thing is that spanking appears in my dreams quite frequently, so it's not all gone. Occasionally I'll get a swat or two in real life. Perhaps this is the just the slow build back to normal life. Like the kindling to start a huge bonfire...

A date at the State Fair

I had sort of a sad week and so, I was very happy when the Lord Krishna suggested we head out to the State Fair for a date. I can't remember the last time we had an actual date. About ten years ago, we made a point to do date night until we had our relationship back on track. The last few years date night was at home with some spanking and sex. And as we all know, spanking and sex has come to be a very limited thing in these parts (around my girlie parts, anyhow!), it was great to be getting out again and partaking in some good, clean, sober fun.


I hauled my camera around thinking I would shoot up a storm but I didn't take that many pictures and I only remembered to take one picture of the food. And I only remembered to do this after most of it was eaten. It's not a very appetizing picture nor is it a rousing endorsement of the State Fair, but it sure was yuuuummmmy! That was an order of corn fritters and fried-green tomatoes before I devoured most of it.

The Lord Krishna headed straight to the pronto pups. Did you know there is a difference between pronto pups and corn dogs? Inquiring minds? Aren't you curious? Well, heck, there's a huge difference. Pronto pups are made with a wheat batter, while corn dogs are made from cornmeal. And for the record, no, that doesn't make it sound more appetizing to me, but when I informed the Lord Krishna of this difference, he had a thoughtfully, serious response "I suppose that's why I like the pronto pups so much." Ummm, ok, that explains it, I guess. Later, I found the wild rice burgers which were delicious and even later, while scarfing down my burger, a nice older couple joined us on a bench and shared their fried pickles with us - us two, who happen to be total strangers to them. And I cannot lie, those fried pickles were good. People were so nice around us and maybe that's because we spent no time at the beer gardens, like we've always done in the past.

We walked and walked and good thing we did because we had to walk off those calories. But then I got it into my head that I wanted to try the new chair lift ride because I've always liked the skylift.



I was tired. All that greasy food and being pregnant and all, I wanted a lift. Big mistake!



BIG, BIG mistake! I started having a panic attack the second we were lifted off the ground. I gripped the Lord Krishna's hand and begged that he grasp me tight in case I passed out and started slipping off the dang chair. Oh, it was just awful!

OK,let's look at this toad lily for a couple of minutes because I'm getting queasy just writing about this and looking at the chair lift pictures.



OK, I'm OK now...The Lord Krishna is a skier and so is used to chair lifts. Me? Not so much. He suggested I cross my legs at my ankles and after I did that, I felt one hell of a lot better. It was a long ride, too! And although all the signs said that the ride does not stop to let passengers on and off, it did stop several times while we were in the air. At one point I noticed that the Lord Krishna was saying hello to a woman in a chair coming by us to our right and I glanced over at her in time to hear her say "hello, my friend, I'm scared out of my mind!" So, see! I wasn't the only one terrified on this ride. He's so sweet! He's even calming the random woman flying by us.



After we finally got off, he bought me a huge fresh-squeezed lemonade which was exceptionally good but it made me cold as the sweat on my body (from the panic attack) chilled in the evening air.

Nonetheless, it was a fun date, although I didn't expect it be so terrifying, or maybe I should say it was exhilarating. Yes, that's it. It was exhilarating. I didn't mind walking after that experience because, you know, walking happens on the ground.

The only kind of sad thing is that they give away these free wooden rulers at the State Fair and everyone seemed to be walking around with them. The last time we went to the Fair, we got one for wife-smacking. "Next year", he said, "we'll make up for it".

Mystic Friday: How shouldst?

How shouldst, O heart, which art [but] one of these hundred
thousand particulars, not be in restless movement at His decree?
Be at the disposal of the Prince, like a horse [or mule], now confined in
the stable, now going on the road.

from Daily Quotes from Rumi

This has been on my mind for months now...I struggle a bit with the fact that I cannot carry out my household responsibilities for now nor provide erotic pleasure which has given sustenance to both of us. Like in the Rumi quote today, I am confined to a stable. The Lord Krishna keeps assuring me that my job right now is to grow a healthy baby, to eat right and exercise. He says that all those other things will return in due time. He says that we will have many years to return and rediscover the eroticism in our relationship. I so look forward to it. I feel like every few years we find ways to fall in love again. And I suspect that the next time will be thunderous and mind-shattering.

The one thing I have confirmed- in case I had or could ever forget this -is that the Lord Krishna is the most amazing man. I felt this intensely three times in our life together. This summer has shown it once again. He has growled in defense of me this summer, he has graciously taken over some of my household responsibilities, he holds me with such tenderness and is exponentially thrilled about having a child.

There are two things I distinctly remember from when I started this blog. I attempted to understand submission in the context of my cultural background as taught to me by my mother and practised by my sister. I also admitted that, for me, the ultimate submission was consenting to the Lord Krishna impregnating me. I still believe that as this experience requires my total acceptance and surrender to the situation. Mentally, this time around is much easier to handle and I attribute that to taking the time to consider the role of submission in our lives. I feel safe in his love and trust that he will care for me. Physically, it has been a much bigger challenge than I could have ever anticipated.

My mother comes from a cultural heritage that required submission of a wife to her husband. She had an arranged marriage and after the wedding, she moved in with her in-laws where she took over many household tasks that she had never had to perform before. This situation required that she submit to her in-laws' requests and requirements as much as she would to her husband. Unfortunately, two weeks after they were married, my father returned to the States and left her behind for 1 1/2 years. And she was pregnant which caused quite a few difficulties including cruel family members accusing her of infidelity. The thing that kept her going was that she truly believed that her husband was worthy of her admiration and obedience. She found him to be good looking, extremely smart and worldly. And he turned out to be worthy of her devotion because as soon as he could he brought her (and me) over to him in the States, provided a home and financial support. She never refers to him by his given name, always has meals prepared for him and even studied for the college degree that he chose for her. The only thing she was not able to do was give him a baby boy.

My sister (who is seven years younger than me) grew up knowing that she would have an arranged marriage and that her parents would provide a suitable husband for her. She has married a man who became a doctor and bought her a big house in Florida where they live with his parents and have a extra room for my parents who have been known to visit for months at a time. In Gujarati culture, it is common for a large extended family to live in one home. She quit her job to raise her two children and seems immensely satisfied with her lifestyle. She defers to all that her husband decides and has adopted many of his discriminatory viewpoints without hesitation. She also defers to his and his parent's views on raising children which has on more than one occasion been a detriment to her children. In these instances, she has reluctantly admitted that her husband is not always worthy of her devotion.

I don't find him worthy of anything. I find him to be a lazy, callous, sexist pig. He is all that I was afraid would happen to me. He is everything that I ran from when I moved out of my parents house at the age of 17. He embodies everything that I hoped to escape when I eloped with the Lord Krishna. I never, ever thought I would have the type of marriage that I do. I never, ever thought that I would consider my husband as the head of the household, responsible for my financial care and well-being. I never, ever thought that I would marry even. But I fell hard for the Lord Krishna and the thought of being independent no longer mattered to me.

My mother thinks and says frequently that he handles me well. At first, I was offended by this. But now I see the truth of it. But not so much in that I think he handles me at all. I think about it more as the idea that he is worthy of my respect, my devotion, my admiration and my submission. I willingly give him control of certain aspects of our lives together as I know I am better off because of it. But, I would say that he does the same for me. We fit and balance each other. We compliment each other in that way that man and woman come together. But I say this warily and with hesitation because I know several gay couple that compliment each other in much the same way, so maybe this is better said as the way a dominant and a submissive fit together like two puzzle pieces creating the picture of a life lived together.

This summer has shown me once again that my choice was right and that my trust was put in the right man. The one that brought out the best in me. The one that requires the best of me and I happily try to meet his expectations. I say "I try" because, of course, this does not always happen. And certainly right now, the best of me is dampened. But, I am entering a new phase and regaining some energy so for the first time in months I am looking forward to what tomorrow will bring.

I never thought my smut blog would become a baby blog, but pregnancy is such a big part of what I think about when it comes to submission. I am doing this for him. If given the choice, I would never have done this for myself. I do realize now that in order for this to work, I do need to find the right reasons within myself. And that is why I am blogging again so that I can figure this out. So that I can ready when it's time to leave the stable to head out on the open road.

Kinky Flowers

Ok. So, I'm thinking sexy is coming back into my life. I'm seeing kinky things everywhere. These morning glories, for instance. Aren't they just lovely in their viney, twiney ways, affixing, tying and bonding themselves to the bamboo stake. I remember when the Lord Krishna used to cane me with these exact stakes. And now, the morning glories get to feel the goodness.

It wasn't until this year that I noticed the fleeting life a morning glory. I suppose that is because I'm not growing them on a fence or trellis, but rather I'm growing two to three plants on each stake to add some height to the garden. And every couple of days one or two buds bloom in their morning glory-ness. Then by the evening the flowers have closed and wilted. Although I didn't do as much with my garden as I wanted to this summer because, um, uhh, baby came along, I am caught off guard with the sense of pride I'm getting with these particular flowers. I grew these from seed. The ones in the side garden that border the neighbor's yard have bloomed as well although I have never seen any. They reach for the sun and grace the neighbor's morning instead.






The roughness in the center of the echinacea just about undid me this morning. I don't know if it's because if I squint my eyes, they look like nipples, or the thought of some rough play just got me going.

When we can return to play? Does anyone know? I'm so uncertain and so is he. He is so incredibly sweet and gentle and for most of the summer, this was enough. But something is stirring in me and I know it's more than just gas.

Of course, I've searched the internet to see if it's safe to spank a pregnant woman, but you know, it's always better to hear from friends. The first three months seemed risky to both of us. But since we passed the previous miscarriage date and the intense nausea, I think both of us are ready to be sexual again. Although I have to admit that we haven't talked in detail about this. I get the idea that he's antsy though because he has given me a few quick hand-spankings this week.

I also discovered that baby is happier when he/she feels the wash of good, orgasmic chemicals flowing through my body. That's it! We gotta do this. For the baby! Right?

Every single dang thing has changed...

We finally got a chance to leave the city for a few days. But it wasn't all for pleasure and relaxation. The furnace at the trailer busted sometime last Spring so we needed to get that fixed. As it turns out, we could not get anyone to come to the trailer to fix it, or perhaps we just looked and asked in the wrong places. This a common service thing in area resorts, but we are in a remote part of Shangri-La county where the town went bust when the local mine closed down in 2000. Anyway, we found a place that would service the furnace in a town about two hours east of the trailer. The Lord Krishna removed the furnace from the trailer fairly easily (with only one trip to the hardware store for a different wrench) and we started our trek east.

It was so good to get away. I hadn't realized how isolated and lonely I felt since we found out about the big change in our lives. Baby came in with a bang! We took the pregnancy pee test on the 4th of the July! But since then, life has been rather tough with a number of doctor and clinic changes and all those physical changes that have effected everything from our spanking lifestyle to eating habits, blogging, everything, everything, every single dang thing has changed. But I find I can't write about any of it without sounding like a whiny bitch so that's it. Let's gaze at this wonderful fishing pier for a few minutes, shall we?



This little town was delightful and full of friendly people. We only stayed the one night but it seemed like weeks just from the feeling of getting away. We had gone fishing here at sunset the night before and just beyond the wood pilings in the next photo, down near the public beach, there was a ski show.



These wood things seemed like drums to me. It was a large lake and I was a little surprised at how populated the area was. I am used the quiet of Shangri-La county, but this little town was the gateway to an area filled with hundreds of lakes.



The next day we went further north because we had heard the area was very beautiful. And it was, I guess, but the people were not nice and all the lakes were heavily populated. It seemed like every little store we went to whether it be the bait shop, the local coop, the coffee shop, even the Arbys was filled with people who were strangely rude to me and, at times, to the Lord Krishna as well. I couldn't figure it out until I realized we were near a very large Indian Reservation. I've noted that over the years - in the towns near the reservations, the people from majority culture are quite rude to me and their manner dramatically changes when they note that the Lord Krishna is with me. It's sad. We knew a woman that was married to man from this town and he was very discriminatory towards Native people and just generally a rude guy. We came to some understanding about this man that had eluded us for years.

Anyway, so we fled that town as soon as we could, scrapped our plans to stay a couple of nights and returned to the trailer. But then we realized we needed to return to the city for a tool that Krishna needed to re-install the furnace. So another road trip but we eventually made it back to the peace of Shangri-La. We successfully hooked up the furnace and I was needed in that process. Afterwards, the Lord Krishna kept saying something about how the pregnant lady finally gets the job done. My arms were thin enough to wind around the cramped space to plug in an essential item. I stayed in the trailer with him when he turned on the gas just in case the whole thing blew up. I figured we should all go if there was a mishap. :) No problem though, and now we have heat again!

In a wonderful contrast to the experience in that stinky, rude town, we listened to our favorite public radio station that is broadcast from a reservation local to the trailer. We are members of this community radio station and they had a program on the healing therapy of art. It made me realize that I needed to return to my photos. And some may say this isn't really art, but for me it is something. Something to soothe me, something that calms me and allows me to give testimony to the goodness in my life.

We did manage to go fishing later that day and it was just wonderful because it was in the middle of the week and it seemed like we were the only ones on the river. Well, all alone except for the loon.



The trees near the dock were filled with apples.



And the woods were filled with blackberries.



The Lord Krishna got me a juicer and I considered picking some apples to juice, but they were exceptionally sour and bitter. The juicer has been the one thing that has made me feel better through these changes in my life. If you have one or have the opportunity to get one, I highly recommend them for the great tasting juice and the wonderful nutritional benefits.

I'm told that I'm just weeks away from resuming a normal sex life and feeling somewhat normal again. I cannot wait! I really miss the intimacy of our love. Sure there's a lot of cuddling and stuff, but I'm missing the spankings and the intensity of our passion together. And that may not return for another six months or so, but a little bit wouldn't hurt.

Thanks to all of you that commented on my last post! I so appreciate the kind words and also, the continued links to my blog. I know I say this periodically - this blog probably won't have much kinky spanking going on for a little while, but I do have some things to say about submission that has changed over the last month. I realized I needed to return to blogging as much as I needed to return to my photos. I thank you all for your company and say from the bottom of my heart that I have truly missed you. I look forward to reading all your blogs again and resuming some interaction with you all!

Peace and love and my constant admiration,
Radha

Going Sober

We went sober a couple of months ago and I was surprised by two things:

1. I am surprised by how intensely wrapped up I am in my drinking personality. So many things we do in life involve drinking. I'm not talking about falling down-drunk sort of drinking. Just the sort where there is a drink with dinner, around the campfire, hanging together on a Friday night. And when it came time to give it up, I was surprised with my desire to continue, my sense of total loss with a pleasant past time, my sense of doom that life is over and now I have to be an adult.

2. I am surprised at how different spankings feel when there is no alcohol involved. It takes me a lot longer to get all warmed up and interestingly enough, the Lord Krishna seems much more anxious to get going. And here I thought that the drinking was what spurned some of our intense nights. Turns out those nights were probably dampened by the drinking.

The days seem longer, the nights feel full of more activities.

Anyway, so we've gone sober in preparation for a change in our lives. Life is busy these days with things changing so rapidly and dramatically.

I'll be gone for a while adjusting to the changes. When I get back, I'll tell you all about it! I may post a picture or two, here and there.

Take care, everyone! Be back soon!

The aftermath of a bad meeting...

I'm positioned on the bed, down on my hands and knees. He begins with the large leather double-strap. I welcome the pain of it all. After an evening spent at a bad meeting, my mind was spinning from the situation, retort after retort flooding my mind, ways that I could have handled the situation better circled around over and over again in my head. It's been a while since I've been like "this," feeling out of control emotionally, feeling like I'm just not cut out for this world.

He begins fast and hard and I am gasping against the blows. Each time I sink into the sensations, the residue from the meeting lingers at the edges of the pain. As soon as the intensity subsides for a second, the thoughts from the meeting scratch and claw back towards the center of my thoughts.

Then he pulls out this and starts to relentlessly beat my ass.

It hurts and soon my eyes are tearing. Gratitude starts to seep in. It was exactly what I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. The T'ai Chi didn't do it. The garden didn't do it. But when he picked up the cane, that sure did the trick! I try desperately to hold position because I want this, need this, and don't want it to end.

He throws aside the cane, flips me over and starts to swat at my breasts with that little, hard leather thing. I'm sinking into to it when suddenly I realize he has asked me a question: Why do you have a thong on, lil one?

My mind has finally released the cacophony of ego-driven words and I was reduced to one-word answers - I've come to realize that he finds this amusing.

Skirt, is all I can blurt.

Ahh, I see, skirt. Tell me more... He's got his hands on my chin, forcing me to look up to his face.

No panty lines, I spill out in a whisper.

And you shaved your legs. Why?

Oh, god, I feel terrible for what I've done because it seems like I was preening and primping for other men. I try to evade the question and lean towards his face to steal a kiss from his lips. His hand gropes for my throat and pushes me back to the bed. We're not done yet, he says as he pushes my legs apart and starts swatting at my inner thighs.

Did you do this for them?

No, no! Skirt. Skirt.

What was that? Did you raise your slutty skirt and show them your thong?

No! No, I'm trying to say but my words are muffled by the fact that now I'm on my stomach and my face is pushed into the pillow.

Did you show them you ass, slut?

No! No! I didn't, my Lord!

Good. Because. This. Ass. Is. Mine...Of course, he punctuated each word with a hard crack against my bottom.

It ended because his blood sugar started to drop. And while he walked into the kitchen to grab some juice, I was contemplating how he totally caught me off guard with the direction of his questions. Which led me back to the awareness that I was His wife, His slut, His lil one. Suddenly, it seemed like nothing else mattered in the world. Meeting? What meeting? Naw, that was just some insignificant event that occurred before I got spanked.

((smiles))

Why do we do this?

As I walk into the bathroom and lower my pants, I feel the rough texture on my bottom and thighs. A countless crisscross of lines are welting up on my skin. I sit down to pee and think again - why do we do this?

Sometimes I think I know why like I've figured it or something. Why do I want to figure out why we do this thing we do? Because it's fascinating!

As I observe the intensity increase I wonder at the strength he puts behind his blows; the incredible sensations flowing through my body as my backside heats up. I'm amazed with the fact that it always feels good, at how much energy it gives him after a long day at work, at how much my mood changes almost instantly after he spanks me.

Later I realize the appeal is simply that we are spending time together.